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                教養,就是你選擇做更好一點的人




                王珣說 · 美人的底氣

                所謂教養,和貧富無關,和文化無關。簡單說,就是不管你的出身和背景,你都選擇了要做更好一點的人。




                多年前,新加坡在蘇州城的東邊開發了一片工業園區,招商引資了諸多世界500強的企業,也就有了由新移民組成的新住宅區。鄰居大部分是國外和港臺人士,樓道電梯間從不見任何雜物,草地永遠干凈蔥綠,地面看不到任何亂停亂放的車輛,更聽不到一聲鳴笛。拴著鏈子遛狗的主人,會拿著塑料袋跟在寵物后面包裹處理好糞便,再扔進垃圾桶。

                 

                春天沒有人會在花園的草坪上野餐嬉戲,因為那是草根萌發的時節,你甚至看不到一個孩子犯規,因為父母們以身作則已經刻在孩子的心里。

                 

                如果有小朋友舉行生日party,父母會讓男孩主動承擔接送女孩的責任,小男孩紳士般牽著小女孩的手來來回回,只站在門外等候和道晚安。公寓對面有個被稱為鄰里中心的地方,里面集菜市場、商業區、運動休閑和醫院為一體,為周邊居民提供諸多方便。那時候麥當勞和肯德基剛進國內不久,但只有這里的自助餐廳,可以看到幾乎所有的顧客用餐結束后都自己收拾餐具,坐過的桌子上不見一點食物殘渣。女兒拿著托盤走向垃圾桶,即便有服務生趕緊走過來幫忙,她也會道謝自己做完,我則在她轉身跑向我的時候給她一個擁抱。

                 

                多年后,我在女兒大學的食堂中看到,旁邊很多桌子都上下一片狼藉,女兒卻還是自己收拾餐具放在指定位置上才離開,一如當年鄰里中心里那個小小的她。教養,都在看不見的地方,卻又時時潤物細無聲,讓每個有心之人感受到舒適和暖意,并且從此傳遞下去。

                 

                中國古有孟母三遷的故事,也提到了環境的重要性,面對幼小的孩子,父母的教養和堅持更是重中之重。如今高檔公寓建得一座比一座豪華,可鄰里之間彼此的舒適度卻未必能成正比,倒是多出防備和生分。教養最基本的體現就是不要給別人添麻煩,不要讓自己的言行讓別人感到不舒服,包括不大聲接聽電話,排隊并且保持距離,愛護公共場所的整潔衛生,自己不需要的贈品不拿以免造成浪費等等。

                 

                我拎著兩個購物袋去咖啡館,坐在門邊的男人立刻起身幫我拉開門。室外座椅上,一位男士想抽煙發現我坐在他的下風口,就主動和我換位子,這些才是流淌在血液里的優秀基因。

                 


                上海的女友來北京玩,我們帶著孩子當然也得帶上吃喝,但女友的包里總是放著紙袋,就是為了在沒有垃圾箱的時候,隨時拿出來裝各種垃圾。我們在一起走得再遠她都是這樣的習慣,以至于我剛喝完瓶中最后一口水,她的紙袋就已經等在了那里。她的手機永遠調在震動檔,說話的音量保持一個頻率,問路、找座、詢問、買東西等等開頭都是對不起,結束是謝謝你

                 

                去自助旅行,一群陌生的旅伴在細數上海人的毛病,女友卻一直笑而不語。我說:儂正以自家的腔調,默默改變上海人在全國人民心里的不良印象。她說:先做好自己,才能談得上改變。

                 

                林志玲的美不妖不艷,不驚不鬧,卻是恰到好處的。我對她的好印象來自她在接受采訪或是做節目時,無處不在的教養和高智商。面對比自己個頭矮的主持人,她會屈膝彎腰打招呼,說話總是帶著微笑,不裝不急,緩緩道來,卻如春風吹過,漸漸地一路花開。

                 

                真人秀《花樣姐姐》里的她更是讓人喜歡,最大牌的星卻一點不耍大牌,極具團隊精神,懂得體諒和寬容,真實得不帶一絲做作。正是這樣的教養和謙遜,讓她不抱怨更不毒舌,自有一種無聲的力量。每個人都被她征服的同時,她也處處照顧著別人的感受,還會兼做文化古跡的解說員,女人們的美容顧問,弟弟們的知心姐姐。她的美居然讓女人無法心生嫉妒,被學識和教養包圍的美,已經變得只能讓常人仰慕。不戰而勝,正是這個道理。

                 

                女友新交了一位男朋友,每次約會他都下車站在車邊等,看著女友走出公寓再幫她打開車門。送女友回家也是要看著她走進大門,等女友走進公寓樓的時候再回頭看去,他的車還會停在原地,用自己的方式給予女友他要給的安全。對女性的尊重與體恤,是一位有教養的男人最動情的細節,我對女友說:這樣的男人你可別放過。


                我沒有接觸過他的家庭,但所謂的門當戶對已經在他的一舉一動里體現,因為教養的背后,是整個家族至少三代人的高尚堅守。這樣的男人不會對你惡語相加,不會有焦頭爛額的婆媳關系,他會用他的整個世界來呵護你。


                 

                對身家人口無遮攔肆無忌憚,也必是沒教養的人,對不相干的人生刀子嘴,也必有一顆刀子心。亂發脾氣爆粗口不是真性情就是沒素質,你花了錢也不應該跟服務生收費員較真起爭執,沒有被尊重是因為你自己沒教養。

                 

                不要總是致力于解決社會不公平的大問題,先把自身的小問題一一解決了,唯有我們的教養能夠匯聚成力量,讓這個社會處處充滿尊嚴的氛圍,公平才會再回來。

                 

                教養是一種尊重,懂得尊重別人,教養是一種慎獨,嚴格自律言行,教養本身就是做人的尊嚴,無人可以踐踏。教養分解開來,都是身邊和手邊的小事和細節,做了也不過是舉手之勞,并不需要褒獎。但你的教養總會被有心之人感受到,并且因此溫暖過,于是也學會了用最大的善意和智慧去對待這個世界。

                 

                所謂教養,和貧富無關,和文化無關。簡單說,就是不管你的出身和背景,你都選擇了要做更好一點的人。如果你已經成為了更好的人,又盡一切可能和堅持做好手邊能做好的事,那世界就一定會因為這件事變得更美好一點。






                你有多強大,就有多溫柔


                我的第八本書《你有多強大,就有多溫柔》上市,希望每個女人都能成為不動聲色卻暗含力量的美人。


                愿我們獨立而體面、溫柔而堅強



                訂購通道


                當當訂購二維碼:



                《你有多強大,就有多溫柔》已全面上市,愿我們獨立而體面、溫柔而堅強,訂購請點開閱讀原文~





                王珣,筆名“芙蓉樹下”,新浪點擊千萬名博,知名兩性情感作家,暢銷書作者,編劇。已出版情感文集:《你有多強大,就有多溫柔》、《美人的底氣》《重遇20歲的自己》《遇見懂愛的自己:100個幸福的理由》《為什么白頭到老這么難》;長篇小說:《婆婆,我的非常閨蜜》《試用期千金》。



                本公號每周一至周五更新,文章均為王珣原創

                轉載請聯系授權,注明作者簡介、來源公號和微信號

                周六、日和法定節假日公號休息

                王珣的微博▕ @芙蓉樹下

                公號“美人的底氣”ID:beauties-4


                鄭重聲明:以上文章來源于網絡,版權歸原作者及其所在單位,其原創性以及文中陳述文字和內容未經(企業庫www.messenger-tips.com)證實,請讀者僅作參考,并請自行核實相關內容。若本文有侵犯到您的版權, 請你提供相關證明及申請并與我們聯系(qiyeku # qq.com)或關注微信公眾號 zsbaxi 在線反饋,我們審核后將會盡快處理。

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